Ghosting Bullies

“I felt it shelter to speak with you.” —Emily Dickinson

This Emily Dickinson quote is one of my favorites. It is the basis of my closest relationships over the years and why I ended the toxic ones. I have found that the people with whom I feel closest are the ones who make me feel emotionally safe to express my innermost feelings without being anxious about how they will be received.

I am a sensitive person. I own it. Some might call it high maintenance. Maybe. However, I believe that sensitive people bring out the best in others, holding them accountable for how they treat others. In my case, accountability is whether I drift away from you or stay. Having said that, I am confident the feeling is usually mutual, which is fine. Like finds like.

Many sensitive people give toxic people chance after chance because it is their nature to be kind, and want to help others. But there comes a point when the hurt from being bullied blossoms to unbearable, and survival means cutting ties. I do not excuse ghosting people because of convenience, often done by people and justified by many entitled ones. I do not define ghosting as walking away to protect yourself. It is survival, and if the person you are cutting off is a bully, trying to reason with them can be dangerous.

Bullies are gaslighters. Often, they excuse their mean behavior by saying their target was being too sensitive. Perhaps. Probably. But that doesn’t excuse them being a bully.

I’ve closed relationships with people who hurt me with words. Being sensitive is not a fault. It is beautiful. If the people close to you understand you possess a tender heart, they should love you enough not to be mean. Everyone has moments that should be forgiven, but consistent behavior is not a moment. I love the quote by Maya Angelou - “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

It is hard to put up a wall, and I have had to summon a lot of strength to put up a sign that says, “Make another selection” to bullies.

I embrace being sensitive because, despite the pain from absorbing the pain of others, feeling overwhelmed by emotional environments, and being the target of bullies who identify and hone in on a target, the things I feel from being sensitive are beautiful. Possessing a too-tender heart over a cold one is worth everything. The ultimate reward is finding other kindred spirits and experiencing a connection where people feel safe with each other. When you feel it shelter to be with someone, it is magical.

Words are powerful. People who use them as weapons are bullies.

Pass with peace,

Mae